September 2008

Open Space

I've said "no" to two things in recent weeks. One was a relationship, the other was a business partnership. Both of them didn't feel right in my body, as evidenced by exhaustion, aching joints, inertia, and a closed-down throat chakra. Quite literally, I didn't have my words, and as you may know, I usually have my words and use them quite loquaciously. And I didn't have my words because I wasn't living my truth and if I'm not living my truth, then I can't speak my truth. It's all connected, you see.

So I spent the month of August rather shut-down and closed off... it's darkest before the dawn, I'm fond of saying.

And then, when the emotional and spiritual pain reached its threshold, I acted. It's my Truth or my Life. I spoke my truth to the man I was in relationship with, saying, "No, this isn't working for me," and I spoke my truth to my business partner, "This is your path and your passion, but it's not mine."

And as I said "no," I made space for "yes." It was in Nia that I found my "no" when I first started dancing in 2001. I had to say "no" for several years on the dance floor before I found my "yes."

It's been two weeks since I said "no" and in the time and open space since then what has begun to trickle in is the feeling state I am creating for my life: Beauty. Simplicity. Warmth. And as I have gotten clear on how I desire to feel, the possibilities of what that looks like in concrete form have begun to take shape.

And at this point, I remain open to them all.